The Impact of Partner Abuse
If our partner is repeatedly using destructive behavior against us it is almost inevitable that we are changed by this experience. Some of the changes we may be painfully aware of: shrinking confidence, growing anxiety, sadness, hurt, smouldering resentment, and an increasing sense of powerlessness.
We may not be fully aware of the loss of our laughter, creativity, openness, dreams, optimism and feelings of contentment and emotional safety. These changes often creep in without our noticing amid our confusion and distress.
Of all the many and complex ways that abuse can affect us perhaps the most profound is that we usually end up feeling bad about ourselves. We may repeatedly be given the message that we are not good enough, a failure, over-sensitive, worthless, and maybe even crazy.
Almost inevitably we can begin to doubt ourselves. We may lose sight of the fact that our partner’s degrading behavior is inappropriate and harmful and believe instead that we are at fault.
Living with abuse can be incredibly exhausting. We may be frequently put in the position of either fighting for our rights or giving in. When faced with constant pressure to comply many of us will begin to choose the path of least resistance.
In fact, we may be afraid to do otherwise. In order to keep the peace and avoid conflict we may gradually start to ignore hurtful comments, give in to unfair demands and go along with things we feel uncomfortable with. While this can seem to be the best choice at the time, it comes at the price of the loss of our self-esteem and an increasing sense of powerlessness.
Faced with coping with ongoing abuse we are likely to change in many ways. The stress of our situation, coupled with our own self-judgement, can take a high toll on our mental, emotional, physical and spiritual well-being. These are some of the impacts women who have lived with abuse speak of. Which do you identify with?
The Impacts of Living With Abuse
My confidence and self-esteem are decreasing.
I am trying harder and harder to please to avoid conflict.
I often feel anxious, afraid and/or trapped.
I often feel helpless, hopeless and/or depressed.
I have given up many of the things I used to enjoy.
I feel too ashamed to tell other people what is happening.
I increasingly feel like a child rather than a competent adult.
I spend a lot of time trying to understand why this is happening.
I am becoming increasingly hard on myself.
I often feel confused and sometimes I'm afraid I'm going crazy.
My relationships with other people are suffering.
I'm becoming increasingly burnt out.
I am suffering from physical symptoms of stress.
I am using alcohol, drugs and/or excess food to help me cope.
I'm too afraid to stand up to the person who is hurting me.
I am beginning to take my stress out on other people.
© Copyright Kay Douglas.
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“. . . the most supportive, realistic, and practical guide for abused women that I have encountered. Outstanding!"- Lundy Bancroft, author of Why Does He Do That?